>it being a friday morning, the sun lazily drifting through my window and my cs assignment still not quite right, i thought i’d take the five minutes of bubble-clicking and mind-clearing to complete an online personality disorder test. there’s something strangely cathartic and thoroughly self-conscious about answering yes or no to questions such as “do other people accuse you of being manipulative?” i mean, i don’t think so… i mean, i hope not… well, could i be? [insert deafening inner turmoil here] anyway, this goes on, pell-mell, for around sixty-one questions. (hee.) the torture is okay, because as a reward you get a little report card! yippee, just like second grade, except this time you get a sliding scale of intensity instead of the nice “O for outstanding, S for satisfactory, and we feel very sorry for those of you who got U for unsatisfactory because your work really, really stank”, and in categories like “paranoid” and “obsessive-compulsive” instead of simple school arts like penmanship or geography (oh, how i loved making those salt-dough topographical maps; you got to squish them around for hours until they resembled the state of maryland; they were quite tasty too, only necessitating unconsequential glasses of water). i wish back then we had gotten graded in things like “antisocial”… perhaps a lot of us would have felt very proud to score so highly.
alright, so i’m looking at my list (and lack of) disorders. only one leaps from the screen, marked by a blood-red HIGH rating: schizotypal. weird. mmm, what does that mean…?
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.
wow. so that’s a disorder? haha. well, if so, the rest of the non-schizotypal population is definitely missing out. to the alternative of chasing tails, i’ll flourish in my world of abstraction and dream about how the entire world can be singly equated to some undefined vegetable (blanched, steamed, and forgotten). follow me to that place, where signs and spaces and smells all coalesce, and you make as much sense to me as that weary rubber band, and i make as much sense as your mother’s lipstick. a cool, smooth, catalyst to beauty.