my intermittent and rather spastic maintenance of my blog tells me that maybe i should set a certain time to empty my banked thoughts, establish a routine of some sort, conduct a ritual as to keep the ideas flowing… as now my diurnal meanderings float hazily inside, as directionless, nebulous particles are wont to do. they swirl and swim, unsure of their destiny. i wish to provide them oxygen, life, an awakening.
this i shall pursue with fervor.
yesterday was a simple, refreshing, sweet (and sinfully tarty) glass of fresh lemonade contrasted against a week of strawberry pop-tarts (the MIT exhibition: packaged in plastic and carefully frosted), chewy beef chunks (studying for exams: a saucy exercise for the jaw), and noch’s pizza (late-night antics: too indulgent for the soul). on friday, the weather was splendid (sunny at a luxurious 75 degrees) and the motivation to study was vacationing in maui. after a leisurely breakfast, i went to the square to do some errands, and then shared a delightful lunch at kirkland (i think the occasional tabbouleh is pretty exotic, ok?). i took a walk with carlos (best friend ever), and then played piano in paine (testing the waters of max bruch piano trios). later came the fruit episodes (kiwi and pears and bananas excite me) and the filtered light of the setting sun as i walked home to dunster. i wrote a letter to posa, my esteemed highschool physics teacher, on hand-edged, smooth crane’s periwinkle stationery. afterwards, dressing up for no other purpose than to look smashing, i went to the movie theater to watch ‘italian for beginners’ by myself.
the movie was incredibly charming. the dogma 95 style of filmmaking, i presume, is one completely absent of digital editing. with casual, witty dialogue and empathetic characters who are portrayed realistically, this was one of the best movies i have seen in recent memory. a charged moment was when the conniving old pastor bellows, “God is an abstraction! you dont know what you’re talking about! you have never suffered love, pain, or loss!” the new pastor (a widower) replies, “you are an egotist.”
these quotes are not accurate, i am sure, but i find it amazing that each of us still think we’ve suffered more than anyone of our peers. life is hard for everyone, in each’s individual way, yet the things that cause true difficulty and pain are universal and inevitable. i just think this champions my rule #29 of life: never assume anything of anyone. never. the consequences are rarely what you expect.
do you ever feel as though you are part of some unseen choreography? lately i’ve been experiencing some freaky coincidences. on tuesday, when i went to MIT to disassemble my radios (i.e. put them back in normal shape so that i could return all seven of them), i had to remove the relays and diodes i had previously soldered on. as i held the soldering gun to the contact points, melting the joint to a state of liquid silver, and then pulling each side safely apart, the word ‘severance’ kept resounding in my head. severance. severance. it was like a mantra as i removed solder from the parts. i didn’t think ‘disconnect’ or ‘disassemble’… it was severance. sever the joints, sever the union, sever the solder. the mantra flipped between ‘severance’ and ‘severance package’ as i mused over the irony. i had a lot of radios to disassemble, so with each relay contact point i freed from the wires, another round of ‘severance’ continued silently through my mind. after i finished, i returned the radios at the mall, and then took the #69 bus home as usual. as i got off the quincy street corner and walked down bow street toward st. paul’s, i stopped dead in my tracks. right in front of the church was a huge semi with SEVERANCE written in red+black block lettering on its side. i did a double-take and took a closer peek to make sure i wasn’t hallucinating. yep. it said, ‘SEVERANCE TRUCKING’ on the door, in a bold circular logo on the white driver’s door. i had never seen such a truck company in my life. i walked home, completely shaken. how absolutely eerie is that? it’s not like severance is one of my most used words. this was randomly coincidental in the oddest spectrum. how come i perceived ‘severance’ so clearly and so forcefully just a couple hours before i took view of the truck? one will never know.
last night was another strange moment. after coming out of the theater from seeing ‘italian for beginners’, i walked down mt. auburn street, and this guy (another harvard student i think) walked behind me playing a harmonica. he was playing almost the exact same tune as the credit music from the movie (a light, venician melody). the similarity and relevance was striking, and without turning around i continued forward. with the music flowing into my consciousness, i found myself wrapped within the cinematic scene once again, having the two distinct worlds of reality and fantasy collapse at my feet. i walked home in a surrealist daze.
i love these disorienting moments where you can’t quite distinguish what is real, what is mental, what is explainable. there are things we cannot control. the loss of control is good once in a while; it reminds us how incredibly vulnerable we are.